F*cked in Far Hills.

Newspaper folks tend to have a whimsical sense of humor, as illustrated by the email exchange below. The subject matter made it apropos for the first post of this blog — a blog devoted to what is happening (humorous and otherwise) to New Jersey’s Star-Ledger newspaper. Let’s use this space to theorize, strategize, joke, share and rant about what is happening to us folks at The Ledger.

Dear Biz Brain — My home equity loan is tapped out, as is my credit card. I have no available credit, and my weekly paycheck doesn’t cover my expenses. I am racking up late fees and bounced-check fees, which are pushing me further into the red. I haven’t made a mortage payment in three months and I can’t refinance because my debt-to-income ratio is in the netherworld, and because the house I bought for $500,000 now appraises at $375,000.
Now I hear my company may be closing.
My question is this. At what temperature do you set the oven before you stick your head in it? Despite my failures as a bread-winner, I still think my family would like to see me in an open casket for closure, and I don’t want to be burned beyond recognition.
Thanks in advance for taking time to respond.

Signed,
F*cked in Far Hills.

Dear F*ucked in Far Hills:

Most people would utilize a gas oven for the purpose you describe, but more to the point, if the electricity is still turned on at your house, you don’t really even have a problem … yet.

Truly your question is beyond the scope of a business column, and we advise you to consult your friendly Matria Health Care Solutions professional for the answer to this and all your other wellness needs.

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